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Anal sex can be intensely rewarding for both women and men, but in order to make it pleasurable both giver and receiver need to know what they’re doing. Unlike the vagina, the anal sphincter is not designed to accommodate inbound objects easily or readily. Understanding how to properly engage in anal sex will lower discomfort, lessen the chance of injury and increase the satisfaction of both partners. Below are 5 easy tips for beginners or experienced back door adventurers that can make all the difference when it comes to anal sex.

Step 1: Get Past The “Why” And On With The “How”.
The first step is purely philosophical but just as important as the mechanics of anal penetration. One of the quickest ways to ensure a bad time is to be hung up on whether or not anal sex is for you. For some, the answer is and always will be no. End of story. For the rest of us, it’s at least a topic of interest that merits consideration. But consider well and be confident with your decision, because being on the fence can lead to trouble. If you’re timid, scared or have any moral quandaries about anal sex, you’re probably better off waiting until you’re certain it’s something you want to try. That’s a decision you have to make for yourself. You shouldn’t let a partner make it for you or coerce you into something you’re not ready for.

The anus is full of nerve endings that can provide stimulation for women and men when massaged. The anal canal also runs along side the prostate in men, which when engaged during anal sex can result in an intense orgasm. Still, neither of these facts represent the true intellectual attraction of anal sex. The reason most people engage in anal sex is because of the implied (or real) facets of domination and submission. Yes, anal sex is taboo for many segments of society. Yes, it’s often thought of as being humiliating for the receiver and power inducing for the giver. The question is, what’s wrong with that?

Well….nothing. Many people enjoy the power play that comes with anal sex. Both women and men have long fantasized about dominating and/or submitting to their partners and anal sex is one of the most obvious ways to do so. If you’re open minded enough with your sexual desires to have explored the possibilities, it’s probably something you’ve considered and certainly nothing to be ashamed about. Some people, whether because of self imposed expectations based on unspoken societal norms or their own sexual desires, simply wouldn’t consider it…and that’s fine as well. The important thing to remember is that if you are considering it, regardless of whether you wish to give or receive, both you and your partner need to be completely on board. If it’s something you want but not something you’d feel comfortable approaching your partner about, it’s probably time to re-examine the level of openness and honesty in your relationship.

Step 2: Choose The Right Tools For The Job
If you’re a guy on the giving end, the right tool may very well be the one you’re born with, but not always. Anal sex is a lot like eating foreign food in that it’s better to introduce it slowly and in small portions. If you’re hung like a horse and hope to ever make anal sex with your current partner a regular occurrence, you may want to consider starting out with something smaller. For men who want to keep their phallus busy in other places or women who want to be giving, that usually means a strap on or anal toy.

So what’s the right tool for the job? There are a few criteria to adhere to. First and foremost, don’t let size go to your partner’s head. What looks ideal to the eyes is likely to be entirely too big for the bum, so start small. Second, choose a toy or strap on that’s pliable. You don’t want a hard rubber dildo or toy meant for a vagina. It needs to have give. Silicon strap on dildos are a great choice for beginners. There are also a number of anal toys that can be used to great effect, allowing for maximum pleasure on the way in and out. Which type of product or products you choose should be tailored to the experience you both want to have.

Of course, not everything should be discussed ahead of time (you don’t want to take all the spontaneity or surprise out of play), but you should have an idea of what your partner wants from the experience. A strap on dildo and harness will allow you to properly mount your partner and ride him or her into the sunset, with both of you feeling the connection of each others’ body in every thrust. Plugs and beads can’t accomplish this, but they’re more suitable for a variety of positions (especially those that also involve oral sex). Some toys with smaller bases can be inserted and worn under clothing if…as an example, you wanted to make your partner go for a humiliating walk in public. The point is to choose an insertion item that’s in line with your mutual fantasies.

Step 3: Lubrication For Proper Sensation
Let’s be clear here; the wrong sensation would be any that causes your partner to recoil in pain. The most common reasons for this happening are a lack of lubrication or someone who doesn’t fully comprehend the proper way to insert an object into their partner’s anus. The latter will be discussed in Step 5, but Step 3 is all about the lube.  And when it comes to lube, there are two considerations you should be aware of.

The first consideration is that you will indeed need some anal lubricant. Saliva is not a proper lubricant for anal sex. KY jelly is less than ideal as a lubricant for anal sex. Quality lubricants designed for anal sex are inexpensive and readily available, so use them. The second consideration is how much to use. The very act of anal sex is a combination of pleasure and discomfort – a little more discomfort at the beginning and a lot more pleasure once you’re fully in the saddle. You can’t lubricate away discomfort, so don’t try to.  Use a reasonable amount but don’t fill your partner’s ass with lube or you could be in for a very messy surprise. Cover the object to be inserted to a depth that allows you some dry area with which to hold the object during insertion. Apply lubricant to the surface of the anus and a little (no more than ½ an ounce) inside, but tread lightly. Again, the goal is not to empty a tube or bottle of lube into your partner’s rectum.

Step 4: Arousal Is Key
The person on the receiving end should be aroused prior to and during anal sex. Tolerating an anal insertion is easy when aroused and miserable when not. Whatever you normally do to get your partner aroused is a good bet, but don’t get them hot and bothered and then spend 20 minutes figuring out how to wear a strap on or clinically apply lubrication to them as though they’re in a Masters and Johnson study. The person on the giving end should be as ready as possible before the fun begins. Preparing to receive is a vulnerable feeling so you want to maintain their arousal while you insert to the best of your ability. That might mean touching, rubbing, verbalization, spanking…whatever does it for them.

Step 5: The Mechanics Of Anal Sex
Though there are many positions two people can engage in that allow anal penetration, this step will detail anal sex where a penis or strap on are used. The best position for beginners (and the best position in general for anal sex) is doggy style, with one partner ass up and the other behind them. Whether the receiver’s legs are together are apart is only relevant to matching the height of the partners for proper penetration. Taller givers will mean receivers with their legs together, allowing the giver to adjust their height by spreading their legs. Taller receivers, alternately, will have their legs spread in order to adjust their own height to the giver’s natural position with legs closed. After the initial penetration and a bit of smooth thrusting, the giver may choose to take position above the receiver in true “doggy style” fashion.

Whether or not the giver uses hand-play on the receiver’s anus beforehand is up to the partner in question. Some find it helps to ease the discomfort of a larger object while others simply don’t want any hand-play for various reasons. The reality is that if you choose the right size object for the beginner, hand-play isn’t necessary. It can, however, be very stimulating for partners who both enjoy it.

Follow the lubrication guidelines in step 3 and insert the penis or strap on slowly by teasing the surface of the anus and slowly pushing in incrementally further over time. You’ll want to hold the non-lubricated dry part of your penis or strap on to ensure maximum control. Use your hand to control the depth of the initial insertion. You don’t want to apply the full pressure of your body and have the object slide all the way in at once (ouch!). Once the anus is initially breached, pull out and re-insert repeatedly to a shallow depth before pushing further in the rectum.  In short, teach the anus who is boss and the rectum will fall in line more easily. You may need to reapply lubrication, so don’t be afraid to.

Pay attention to your partner. The deeper you go, the more initial discomfort they’ll feel, so remember that the object here is not to “fit it all in”. The object is to fit it in to a depth that’s pleasurable to them and maintain their arousal before going deeper. Once they’re reasonably comfortable and maintaining arousal, you can thrust to your comfort level and fully enjoy riding your partner’s ass.

For the receiver, it’s important to maintain arousal by thought and feel despite any initial discomfort.  When being penetrated, open the rectum for easier insertion by mimicking the pushing that occurs when using the bathroom (number 2) rather than tightening up.  Masturbating during anal sex, where possible, is recommended.

Ride ‘em cowboys (and cowgirls)!

Good luck on your anal adventures, and as always, be clean, safe, adult and mutually consenting.